There’s no way around it, the secret to effective leadership is effective listening. Asking, not telling, is the switch that leads to success for people in leadership roles; when you begin asking open questions and listening more you will change your team members - and your own - trajectory. I learned a lot about asking questions when I got certified in executive coaching. The key to coaching is that by asking questions you’re able to help someone clarify her thoughts and then develop her own best answers. It’s way more powerful than just giving advice, however, asking questions was a muscle I had to build. 

As a new coach, one becomes very tuned in to the questions that people utilize in day to day communication.  And, because you’re new, you’re especially eager to have a constant supply of good questions to use in your sessions with clients. There are articles that list the best powerful questions and websites that offer 101 Incredible Coaching Questions.  I even had an app that I could refer to prior to a coaching session to make sure I had a good supply of intelligent and intriguing open questions at the ready.  

But you are already naturally equipped with two mindsets that are more powerful than a list or an app and you already have them at your disposal. These two mindsets are:

• Curiosity: interested in discovering what is on someone’s mind

• Empowerment: focused on helping your team member discover his or her own truth

These two mindsets are very helpful in posing good questions. When you are focused on the person in front of you, you don’t need a list of powerful questions because your curiosity will lead you to find out more and your desire to empower him will focus your thoughts. 

For instance, if a team member who is upset because he made a mistake approached you, you could implement a Curiosity Mindset: “can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?” Or “what is it about this issue that is bothering you?” Then you can implement an Empowerment Mindset and help them find a solution. “What is one thing you can do now to improve the situation?” Or “when do you think you should try xyz?” Asking one of the 4 W’s (who, what, where, when) can help your team member strategize his or her next steps, and strategy is the key to being proactive in the future. 

Next time, when you’re with someone who is seeking your counsel, use your curiosity to coax out the details. You may have to actively remind yourself not to give advice or share how you would approach the situation; instead you must stay in the seat of the listener. So remember: leadership is about other people, it is other-centric work. And helping someone figure out his or her own decision, plan, or solution is not only essential, it is the most empowering thing you can offer.