Leadership Hack: Be More Assertive in 2020

Back in the day when I was a young restaurant manager I had to learn on my feet. I wasn’t trained in leadership skills so I took note of the people around me and how they communicated their leadership power. Only a few of the managers I worked with demonstrated confident leadership presence and poise. But I was surrounded by managers who expressed themselves through various levels of aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive behaviors…not great examples to follow, but what was I to do?

My model became “do the opposite.” I made an effort to be kind rather than pushy, active rather than passive and then direct rather than passive-aggressive. It was a lot of work and I didn’t have a real framework for how to become a more confident manager. What I didn’t understand is that a great leader actively demonstrates assertive behaviors. In a study, leaders who expressed a combination of good judgement and assertiveness were ranked as 71% effective compared to leaders who have good judgement but who lacked assertiveness. Those folks were only ranked as 4.2% effective! So, if assertiveness is so important, how does one become a more assertive leader?

Here’s 4 ways to become more assertive in your leadership role:

•Use “I” statements. Assertive people take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and will use “I” to assert their POV. Aggressive types frequently put the blame on others and use “you” as a way to dominate and to deflect attention from their own actions. And passive leaders don’t use “I” at all and disappear into the background.

•Maintain eye contact. Making and maintaining eye contact while communicating demonstrates confidence and a willingness to connect with others, a key facet of leadership. Passive leaders tend to avoid eye contact, they look down or away which minimizes their impact. On the other extreme, aggressive communicators will stare down their team members in a domineering way, in an effort to be in control. The ability to look people in the eye conveys your assertiveness while keeping you grounded and connected to your team.

•Learn to say “NO”. Many new leaders feel compelled to say “yes” to everything even when “yes” is not realistic. Assertive communicators are able to take a moment before agreeing to a task to consider if “yes” is possible and then decide how to proceed. “No” can be part of a negotiation as in “I won’t be able to do xyz by 2pm but I can get it to you first thing tomorrow, will that work?” Setting realistic expectations with others conveys your ability to see the big picture and set boundaries for yourself and saying “no” is part of the assertive manager’s toolkit.

•Voice your needs confidently. Assertive communicators are willing to share what they need in order to get the job done, which is a very healthy trait. On the other end of the spectrum, aggressive communicators will take what they need without regard for others while passive types will just say yes but become resentful later on. To increase confidence in this moment, take a breath, center yourself and then consider what you need to achieve the goal. When you can be realistic and respectful about your own needs it sets the tone, not only for yourself, but for those around you as well.

Being more assertive isn’t a switch you just flip on…it’s a habit to be built. But once you start to become more aware of your behaviors and can implement these 4 hacks, you will pave the way to becoming more confident, positive and poised in your leadership role. Which will radiate out to your team members and increase their perception of you as an effective leader.