Who's a Rescue Monster?
Does this resonate? You have a manager who stands up for you in meetings, who helps you out even when you haven’t asked for help, who is just completely tuned in to your role at work. It’s like they’re reading your mind and are two steps ahead of you….every time. They present themselves like an all-star boss, one who goes out of their way to make you feel important and who, without a doubt, has your back. We love these folks, they’re often dynamic, charismatic and don’t back down from conflict. They’re our champions, our biggest cheerleaders, our biggest fans! But there’s one line that they don’t realize they’re crossing: that they have become a Rescue Monster. That boss who unwittingly prevents you from growing and fighting your own battles. Because they already are.
What’s so bad about the Rescue Monster? For those of you who haven’t had a devoted and present leader in your lives it might sound quite wonderful….and it is, to a point. Yes, supporting your team members and demonstrating appreciation and respect are all traits of a solid leader. But this is about when those traits go off the rails…when the support turns into a takeover, when the respect misses the mark and instead inadvertently calls out your weaknesses.
It’s important to realize that when your boss is fighting all your battles it can make you look valuable, and worth fighting for. But, unfortunately, it can also make you look coddled, weak, or incapable. As a leader, it’s essential that you realize when your devotion for your team turns into indulgence or overprotection, rather than demonstrating support and presenting real opportunities for growth and development.
I have talked to clients who have a Rescue Monster boss and it usually takes a moment for them to realize that all these wonderful acts of protection have minimized them in their role as a leader and have limited their growth. Their boss has good intentions: they’re acting from a desire to help, assist and protect their reports. But it becomes minimizing when it’s in front of others and when they haven’t consulted the person they are protecting. When your boss continually swoops in when it’s uncalled for it can send a message of “I don’t trust you to solve this issue on your own.”
If you have a rescue monster boss there are a few things you can do:
State that you feel held back: “When you approached ABC on my behalf it made me feel less powerful. In the future I’d like to approach situations like that myself so I can build this skill.”
State your appreciation: “I appreciate that you always have my back but as a leader in this organization I need to present myself in difficult situations so I can gain that kind of experience.”
State your needs: “I know you’re my biggest champion so can you do me a favor? I need to represent myself with (XYZ person/situation), so they will take me seriously in my role.”
I have talked to clients who are the Rescue Monster boss. If you believe you might be a Rescue Monster, you might be surprised to hear about the negative - and unintentional - impact you’re making on your reports. Often, the impetus is to prevent harm to your report or to protect them from unwanted stress, which is noble. But, because you believe that it is your job to “take one for the team” it becomes your perceived duty to do it again, and again, and again. The only way to prevent jumping into Rescue Mode is to be self aware: when do you feel the urge to jump in, take over and move into action? Instead, I urge you to ask some open questions to gauge if your help is needed:
State your concern: “I’m concerned about you, do you want to walk through your approach with (person/situation)?”
State your desire to protect: “I don’t want to see you get hurt, will you reach out if you need me to help?”
Demonstrate trust: “I’m sure you can handle this, let me know if you want my support addressing (situation/person).”
The only way to create stronger muscles is to work them out. Same is true of leadership. The only way to learn how to stand up for a cause, represent your values, and have difficult conversations with doubters is by facing these situations straight on. And the only way to pull back from full-on protection mode is to remind yourself you can also help from the sidelines by supporting, advising, and trusting the people on your team.
