Add These 5 Words to Your Next Email, Call or Chat

Whenever I sit down to write a blog I take a moment to reflect on you, my readers. I think about the conversations we have recently had, the sessions that brought us together, and the topics that seem to come up most often, as I endeavor to write what I hope will be an impactful blog post. You’re often on my mind when I’m working on new material, creating new content and building new classes. And you were especially on my mind when I came up with the topic for this article today.

For this post I wanted to share a phrase that I add to my own communication. That’s right, the five words, “you were on my mind,” are a simple and compelling addition to any communication with your team members, colleagues, peers or supervisors. This phrase is not only a captivating reveal of consideration for another person, it is also a powerful way to be more persuasive with those around you.

For those of you who have read my book you may remember that I point out that the most persuasive word in the English language is “you.” “You” is what tells another person that they come first and that they are essential in this moment. Using “you” in my communication is a conscious decision that I make in order to ensure my communication is more persuasive. Before I send any email I always check it for the use of “I” vs. “you.” Turns out, like many of us, I frequently start the sentences in my emails with “I," which is only natural since I am writing from my perspective. However, if I want to truly get my recipient’s attention and persuade him or her to read on, a litany of “I-this” or “I-that” will do the opposite. The use of “I” has been proven to demonstrate a focus on oneself, rather than the recipient. Thus, starting with “you” is a strategic choice that I make, one that is important in showing the recipient that I am on their side and that they come first.

Another part of this 5-word sentence is the concept of being considered or thought of. We, as human beings, never truly understand our impact on another person so telling someone that they were considered or thought of is a powerful sentiment to share. This transparency can be quite revealing. I bet you never knew that I put so much thought into my blog posts or that I consider my readers. It‘s the truth and it feels good to say it out loud, to let you know that I keep you in my mind as I write. The other piece that is compelling about this choice was documented by Robert Cialdini in his seminal book Influence; the Psychology of Persuasion. In it he shares the phenomenon of “reciprocation” whereby if you do something nice for me I will do something equally nice for you. So by sharing that you’re thinking of another person, they are more likely to respond to you in kind.

These five words can also be utilized when giving critical feedback to your reports. By letting them know you’re thinking of them, you’re priming them to hear what you have to say even if it might be difficult feedback to hear. I find this especially useful in talking to employees who are misbehaving. “I was thinking of you.” leads the conversation. But then you share the constructive feedback: “because I’ve seen your productivity dip and I’m hoping you can get back on track.” Sharing that they were on your mind is more persuasive than the feedback alone.

So consider how you can add this phrase to your conversations or written communication and see what impact it makes. Being more persuasive is a habit to build as it establishes you as a leader and a person of influence. A little persuasion - 5 little words worth - can make a big difference in how you’re perceived and received by those around you.