Yes, You Can Turn Back Time
One of the harder problems managers face when they’re actively working on improving themselves is not being their new-and-improved self at all times. There are times when they may slip up, lose their temper, reply too quickly, say something harsh, or jump in when they should have remained on the sidelines. When my clients have shared that they have done one of the above, they report back great regret and sometimes even some guilt. But what I believe and know to be true is that it is possible to turn back time. You can rewind the past.
When I say “you can turn back time” my clients often look at my like, “yeah right, Kate.” I don’t blame them for this reaction, it does sound a little too good to be true. But here’s how it works. Let’s say you’re actively working on managing your very quick skill of responsiveness. You have figured out how to respond thoughtfully rather than blurting out the first thing on your mind without thinking of the consequences. However, one day, you respond too quickly and blurt out an abrupt response to your team member who has come to speak with you. Your first impression is “ugh, I did it again” and may likely try and forget it even happened. But turning a blind eye doesn’t make this situation change or go away, it only makes it fester.
What I recommend is going back to that moment you were unhappy with and confronting it, in order to create a better impression and represent yourself the way you had intended to. Here are two ways you can turn back time and rewind the past:
Fess up: go back to your team member after the fact and acknowledge your behavior. “I was a bit harsh with you today, which really wasn’t necessary. I would have liked to say xyy instead.” By acknowledging your behavior you are taking ownership of the situation and by offering an improvement you’re changing the impression you first made on him or her. Taking a moment to think about what you could have done better and then sharing this with your team shows them that you’re actively working on improving yourself and your leadership approach. This shows a level of dedication to your own growth and awareness that not all leaders are willing to share… which goes a long way in helping you build trust with your team.
Catch up: if you catch yourself in the moment doing something you would have preferred not to, you can stop and change your response. "That came out all wrong, I’m so sorry! What I really want to say is….” By noticing your behaviors and actively exchanging a new, improved sentiment, you’re changing the course of this conversation and the impression you have made. Awareness of yourself in front of your team is a great example to set and it shows both humility and grace; both powerful leadership skills.
This is how you turn back time: if you mess up or slip up you can fess up or catch up. Going back allows you to take control and erase worry and doubt: “was that too harsh? Could I have done better?” The answers is yes…. You can always go back and represent your best, thoughtful self. Just ensure you’re not using this as an excuse for bad behavior or over-apologizing for everything that you say or do. By thoughtfully utilizing both of these options you will ensure that you represent yourself in the best possible way while demonstrating to your team that good leadership is not always perfect but that good leaders always try to do a little bit better every day. And, by going back to an unsatisfactory moment, you can get back on track and stay on the course you have set for yourself; the course of improvement and confidence in your abilities.
