Confronting the Meh-nemy
Does this resonate with you? Your staff is pretty good, some of them are loyal, and most of them know their jobs and are decent enough. As a group they mostly care, they mostly show up, they mostly do the right thing. But what about that other bit? That bit that occasionally overtakes your team members…not enough to be a deal breaker, to warrant a sit down or a write up, but that 5-10% that is not excellent, motivated, hardworking and honest. What then? What do you do with that little bit of “meh?”
I find that lately, with uncertain and unstable staffing, employees ghosting employers and jumping from job to job, that this 10% is often overlooked. But this 10% can be harmful to your culture, disruptive to your team, and throw your power and authority as a boss into question. You must remember: leadership is in public. What you do and what you leave out is seen by others. So each and every time you ignore a chance to ask for better, fail to stand up for a policy or procedure, or bite your tongue instead of having a tricky conversation, you’re letting that 10% win. This is when “meh” takes over, when “meh” dominates the workplace.
What I see with the managers and leaders I coach and work with is that, even when they do confront the “meh-nemy” (the lapses in attitude/action/mindset in their employees) it still doesn’t resonate. And this is because, as a leader, they’re often addressing it with a “meh” mindset themselves! They’re annoyed they have to say anything at all about lateness, about wasting c-folds, about leaning on the service stations or bar. So they apply the “meh” mindset to this task as well…dialing in the conversation, stating the standard objectively, checking the box of “management duty” and “things I have to do but am annoyed by.”
When I ask what bothers managers most when their team is delivering “meh” their answers range from sad to disappointed, from annoyed to frustrated, from shocked to dismayed. But in many cases, their emotion is left out of the conversation, managers rarely let the team know how they truly feel about the “meh” behaviors they’re displaying. The missing element is conviction; that connection to what is annoying you in the first place. What I guide my clients to do is to not minimize their feelings but to channel their frustration, channel their annoyance, channel their feelings of disappointment into their words and into this moment. I call this “channeling your outrage.”
There are two pieces to channeling your outrage: choosing words that express your feelings fully, and then asking your employee what they can do to change. This is the empowerment exchange: stating the expectation and asking what they will do to reach it. Some phrases to use to channel your outrage include:
I’m disappointed (when I see you showing up late) because… (we’ve already spoken about this.)
I’m dismayed (that you’re taking this shortcut) because…. (I’ve seen you do better.)
It’s frustrating (watching you waste xyz product) because… (I shared how much it costs.)
It’s demoralizing (hearing you use that word) because… I see you as a leader in this organization
Using the phrase plus “because” puts your outrage in context. You’re not just disappointed for nothing, it’s because you see their ability to do better and this time they are not. The use of “because” helps support your position while it gets their attention. Why? Because using “because” is one of the most persuasive words you can put in a sentence. Using because elicits a “compliance response” whereby you’re not just saying what you think is correct, you’re offering a reason for them to make a change. This means you must go into the conversation prepared with your “because’s”.
Let’s look at the other half of the empowerment exchange, the one where you’re giving them the chance to choose better. It is an actionable moment, one where you ask them what they can do to improve today/tomorrow/next shift. Some examples are:
What’s one thing you can do to ensure…. (you’re able to make this change?)
What’s one thing you can you do to remind yourself…. (to choose this instead of that?)
What’s one thing you can you change right now….(to get back on the path?)
Asking “what” and limiting it to “one thing” makes change and improvement an attainable goal; one that is fully within their grasp. And by stating it out loud they’re enuniciating the actions needed to improve, which creates accountability. When a manager says “I need you to show up on time” this leaves out the accountability; that piece where the employee states what he needs to do to follow through on this desire or wish.
No one wants to be disappointing, or elicit feelings of frustration or dismay in those they work with and for. So, assertively stating the truth of it while also asking for better allows the employee to move out of this disappointing position. Which feels good for them in the moment and gives you the results you desire in the end. Demonstrating to everyone around you that your style of leadership is truthful, hopeful, and aspirational as well. Having high standards and standing up for them is an important facet of leadership, one that shows others that you have integrity and are anything but a “meh” manager yourself.
